Elephants
by troatie
Summary: They tried to ignore the elephants in the room, but sometimes talking to a friend is all you really need. Paddie centered, with mentions of every Addie and Pete ships.
1. Let's Play Shrinks

**1.Let's play shrinks**

It was just another normal night in Los Angeles. Slightly cooler than the day, but still warm, as always. The southern California weather had a strange effect on people. The stillness of it all, the permanent warmth and absence of seasons. Content people felt as if the weather matched their mood. Calm, bright and peaceful, the year-long summer did nothing but enhance their happiness. For the rest of the inhabitants of Los Angeles, though, it was another story. Feeling far from calm and relaxed, with the usual thoughts and concerns that come with life racing through their minds, it felt as if the universe was slapping them in the face with that stupid sunny weather, a constant reminder of the peacefulness that existed in the world but that somehow they didn't seem to be able to reach.

And that night, if there was a person in the city that clearly belonged to the second group, it was the woman who walked through the dark corridors of the clinic, apparently headed to no particular place, and looking like she could use a good night's sleep, or a drink, or both. It was a strange sight, really. She didn't look like the kind of woman who'd be spending a night alone at her deserted workplace. She didn't look like the kind of woman who'd be spending a night alone, period. Nothing about her looks was average, which made it hard to believe she had the regular problems average mortals have. It's funny how much we assume about people just from the way they look.

As if having the perfect figure meant you can't get hurt. As if being incredibly gorgeous meant you can't get your heart broken. As if being unbelievably sexy meant your life can't be a mess. As if. Because, on that very moment, she would do anything to be someone else. She would do anything to be one someone else in particular, actually. And, ironic as it was, that someone else had once wished she was her.

With a sigh, she turned the knob on the door leading to one of the offices in the clinic. She couldn't help but smirk at the sight in front of her. A psychiatrist's office. But that wasn't what triggered the automatic appearance of a sarcastic comment in her head. No, it wasn't the fact that she was a middle-aged woman walking into a psychiatrist's office. That was just the normal thing in Los Angeles anyway. It was the fact that it was 2 a.m, that the psychiatrist was nowhere to be seen, and that she was about to walk inside, lay on that couch and pretend she was actually talking to someone that could help. She was the epitome of pathetic, and she could barely believe it was her doing this.

Laying on the comfortable couch, feet dangling over one end while her head rested on one of the cushions, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was doing this. She was actually going to talk about herself, for the first time since she could remember. It was a step, right? She was going to talk. Maybe it would help. Maybe. She opened her mouth and words started pouring out. Tentatively at first, she talked about meaningless things. How she doesn't like the color of her bedroom's walls. How she's finally bought new sheets, and she's still not used to them. She knows she's blatantly ignoring the huge shiny elephant in the room, but she's getting there.

She didn't know she wasn't the only person who thought spending the night in an empty office was a good idea. If she did, she'd have stopped talking. But she didn't know. She was still talking when the door opened slowly and silently, not wanting to disturb her. She was still walking in circles around the ignored elephant. "I know it's stupid, but I've changed my perfume. It's different. Fresher. I like it, but sometimes it still feels as if my clothes smell like someone else. I kinda miss my old perfume. I loved my old perfume, you know, I really loved it." With that, she closed her eyes again and took another deep breath. The elephant was jumping up and down calling for her attention. Maybe it was time to acknowledge its presence. Maybe she would have looked at it if she hadn't been interrupted.

"For the record, I like the new perfume. Not that I know how the old one smelled, anyway." She sat up, startled, and looked at the door. "What are you doing here?" She sounded madder than she was. "I work here. What are you doing here?" "I work here." There was an understanding between them, and there were now two elephants in the room, which made breathing a bit harder than before. Or maybe it wasn't the elephants' fault, and there was just tension in the air. But admitting that would invite a third huge animal into the room, and it was crowded enough as it was.

Neither of them spoke as they looked at each other. They'd seen each other hundreds of times before, and yet they felt as if they were doing it for the first time. Maybe the fact that they weren't being doctors had something to do with it. Or maybe it was the lack of flirting. Or the mere thought of being in a psychiatrist's office. Maybe they were trying to look past each other's exteriors for the first time. Or maybe they just wanted an excuse not to talk. Yeah, that was it. It was just an excuse. That was all. He closed the door on the third elephant's face and walked inside.

"So, you can't sleep either?" He was now sitting on the chair next to the couch, and, for a change, there was no cockiness in his voice. She didn't answer his question, partly because it was obvious, partly because she didn't feel like talking at the moment. He tried again, trying to make her talk so he could stop focusing on looking at her. "What's wrong?" His half-sincere question earnt him a cocked eyebrow and a hint of a death glare. If only he didn't find her even sexier when she did that. He stood up and laid on the floor, looking at the ceiling. Maybe if he didn't look at her he could stop thinking the kind of things that made him have trouble sleeping in the first place.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was as cold as it could be considering she was having some not so good thoughts herself. "I'm laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling, pretending there's an actual therapist here." He felt her sarcastic remark before she could even open her mouth to voice it, and he decided not to let her get away with it. "What? Did you think you were the only insane doctor in this clinic?" She half-smiled against her will. The man was a charmer, she had to give him that. His voice brought her back to reality, and she pushed her thoughts aside. "Maybe I should change my haircut. I feel like I need a change. I'm scared though. Of the change, I mean. What if it's for the worst?" She stared at him in disbelief. Was he mocking her? But his eyes were closed, and he looked serious. Okay, she could listen. Talking was what she was not so good at. Laying back down on the couch, she let him go on.

"I know it's stupid, it's just a haircut, hair grows back. But still. I like my hair the way it is. But maybe it'd look great if I change it. Maybe the change would be for the best." She was smiling at the ceiling, amused at the apparent struggle he was having over a simple haircut. "Your turn." Was he talking to her? "Addison. Your turn." Shit. "I... think your hair looks nice?" "Nice try" he said "but you know what I meant. My turn to be the shrink." "Fine." She sighed before going on. "I can't put on my favorite shoes."

He looked slightly confused, but he let her go on. "I mean, I _could _put them on. My feet aren't bigger than they were back in... my feet aren't bigger." Oh, so that was it. You-know-where. "I love those shoes. But I can't wear them anymore. It's unfair, really. They are my favorite shoes! And now I can't even look at them." What was wrong with the shoes? Maybe if he knew more about her, he could figure it out. But she was virtually a stranger. "You know, I almost chose different shoes. I wish I had. But those looked great with my dress. And it was supposed to be a great night, so I wanted to look great for... I wanted to look great." And you-know-who. Something bad happened with you-know-who in you-know-where when she was wearing her favorite shoes.

"What did he do?" She wasn't expecting such a direct question. She wasn't expecting him to be listening. Maybe the surprise factor was what made her answer without giving it a second thought. "He screwed his intern." Well, he couldn't really blame her for not wearing the shoes anymore, could he? "And he put her panties in his pocket." No, he definitely couldn't blame her.

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A/N: More chapters to come soon! Please R&R, this is my first fic, so constructive criticism will help me learn and improve :) 


	2. Addison's Elephant Is From New York

**2. Addison's Elephant ****is from New York**

"I'm sorry" He didn't know what else to say. Her husband, her never mentioned but always present in some way husband, had cheated on her. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you that? "Me too." He knew she was divorced, but he didn't know he'd cheated on her. "Is that why you left him?" He heard a bitter half-laugh coming from the couch. "I suppose you could say so." He didn't know if she was playing mysterious on purpose or she was actually that mysterious, but he was a curious man, and he couldn't help but ask. "What happened?"

She sighed before answering his question. He was the last person she wanted to talk to about her husband. Her ex-husband. But she wanted to get it out of her chest, and she thought he'd do. "Life happened. Work happened. Our best friend happened. His intern happened." Could she be more vague? He heard another sigh, and she went on. "We were in med school. When we met, I mean. I met them both at once, they were the cliché male friends. The sexy one and the funny one. The lady's man and the eternal friend. Mark..." Her voice broke when she said his name, and he assumed he was her husband. "Mark had been hitting on me for weeks, but I turned him down every single time. I didn't have time for that. Of course, he didn't have to wait too long before he found other girls to keep him entertained. I meant it when I said he was the sexy one."

So he wasn't her husband? He was starting to get slightly confused. "And then there was Derek." He could feel the smile on her face when she said his name, and he knew Derek was her husband. But he still didn't know what his best friend had to do with this. "After Mark finally gave up on me, the three of us became great friends. I can't even pinpoint the day when I realized Derek was not just that. It happened naturally, no love at first sight in this story. We were friends, and we slowly fell in love with each other. We didn't see fireworks when we first kissed, we just heard a click. We fit. It felt so incredibly right we couldn't believe we'd lived so many years without it. And so, we decided not to stop."

He looked at her as she spoke, a smile across her face and her eyes glistening with tears that threatened to fall. He tried to picture her in college. Was her hair longer or shorter than it was now? Did she wear high heels back then? Was she as gorgeous as she was now? He had to stop thinking about it when she spoke again. "I can't remember being happier than I was with him. We got married weeks before we started our internship, we bought a house and we lived the proverbial sweet newlyweds life for the next 7 years." He did the math mentally, and something wasn't adding up. Either she'd finished her residency last year, or her marriage hadn't been that great before "his intern happened".

But he didn't have to ask, because she was speaking again. "And then work happened. You know, Derek always said we were soulmates. That we were meant to be. That it was fate, destiny. I never agreed with him. For me, love is hard work. There's no fate or soulmates or anything like that. You have to work for it. I knew he was a romantic." For some reason, romantic didn't sound like a good thing when she said it. And here he was, thinking she was a romantic herself.

"I guess that's why it didn't surprise me when I realized I was the only one who was working on us. In Derek's mind, nothing could ever come between us. We were soulmates. We were destined to be together. We were Derek and Addison. It doesn't matter if we hardly see each other. It doesn't matter if we don't share a bed in days. It doesn't matter if we don't say we love each other. We're Derek and Addison, we'll be fine." He could feel she was hurting, and for some unthinkable reason he wanted to hurt that Derek person. Badly.

"I'd love to say something triggered the big downfall. It'd be great, wouldn't it? To be able to say we went through something incredibly painful and we never recovered. To be able to blame some kind of disgrace for this. But the truth is, I got tired. I was exhausted. I was fighting for a marriage while my husband ignored the fact that there was something to fight for. I was fighting with my life while my husband called me his soulmate and said nothing could ever come between us." She suddenly stopped talking, and he saw she was crying, even though her voice didn't show it.

He didn't want to hear what happened. He didn't want to hear her say he slept with an intern while she tried to make it work. He didn't want to see her cry anymore. But he couldn't stop her before she spoke again. "I was exhausted!" She sounded slightly desperate. As if she'd been trying to say this for years and she just wanted to let it out. "What was I supposed to do? Wait? Let's face it, I knew it wasn't gonna pass. I was just waiting for him to finally admit he didn't love me anymore. Which would never happen, considering he didn't even _see_ me anymore."

He couldn't believe what was in front of him. Addison Montgomery was a strong, confident woman. An unnervingly strong, confident woman. And she was here, completely broken, hurting because of a man who he didn't know, but already hated. Hurting because he didn't see her. How can you not see her, anyway? Considering his biggest problem these days was managing not to stare in awe everytime he caught a glimpse of her, he certainly didn't get it.

Her voice brought him back to reality, and he couldn't help but look at her as she spoke. "I owe my sanity to Mark, really. He took me out, he tried to keep my mind as far away from Derek as possible, he was the perfect Derek substitute. He really was a great friend." She closed her eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths. Something big was coming, he could tell. "I had to do something. Something that either made him see me or made him finally admit we had problems. Even something that would make him leave me would do, actually. I think I just wanted to make him react in some way. To know he was spending even a second of his time thinking about me. Even if it was because he hated me. At that point, I think I'd have been happy with any sign of him knowing I existed."

He was starting to feel slightly nauseated. He didn't think seeing her break would be this hard. He didn't think hearing her talk about a man who had her and didn't appreciate her would make him physically sick. He didn't think he could hate someone he didn't even know. But then again, he didn't think he could feel like this for someone he barely knew, either.

"So I slept with Mark" Excuse me? "It was _good_. Just what I needed. To feel sexy, and wanted, and loved." So her best friend happened before his intern happened. She'd cheated on her husband. He wasn't expecting that. "I know it's sick, but it was mind blowing. Derek hadn't touched me in months, had barely talked to me in weeks. And Mark was touching me just how I needed to be touched, and saying everything I needed to hear. I knew I was going to regret it, but I decided to block those thoughts out and focus on Mark's hands, and Mark's lips, and Mark's voice telling me how incredible I was, and how much he wanted me."

He couldn't really say who was the man he hated the most right now. The husband who hurt her or the friend who helped her heal. The man who had the woman he couldn't get out of his mind, or the man who did what he couldn't get out of his mind. He chose to hate them both.

"Of course, Derek chose that night to come home at a normal time for the first time in years. Of course my husband caught me in bed with his best friend. Of course." He was finding it hard to sympathize with her at this point. Cheating was one of those things he truly despised. "At first he tried to kick me out, but I refused to go. So he left. The whole thing lasted around 5 minutes. Five minutes. I'd fought until my heart was completely broken, I'd given myself to him, I'd made him my whole life for 11 years, I'd slept with his best friend, in his bed, in front of him, he saw me say Mark's name the way I hadn't said his in months, he saw Mark touching me the way he hadn't in so long, and he gave me five minutes of his time. He didn't even yell at me."

He couldn't blame her for doing it. It was an awful thing, yes, but he deserved it. He'd been downgraded to acquaintance and still thinking of Mark touching her made his blood boil. To be her husband and not even give her a second thought... he deserved what he got. "I know it was stupid, you know. I know I turned him into the good man. I know because that's what I wanted. If I had been a romantic, the day my marriage ended I'd have had to choose between blaming fate or blaming destiny. But I'm not a romantic. My choice would have been between my husband doesn't love me anymore or I fought as hard as I could, but it still wasn't enough. I'd rather be the adulterous bitch than admit Derek wasn't in love with me. So I slept with Mark, and noone ever questioned Derek's undying love for his wife. It was easier that way. I could take the insults and the dirty looks as long as I could keep telling myself Derek was in love with me."

His hatred was now directed at Derek instead of Mark. Mark might have done what he couldn't stop thinking about doing, but Derek had her. And he broke her. And he hurt her. And he ignored her. And she still talked about him with a hint of love in her voice. He still had a part of her. He hated that bastard. "What happened to you?" He opened his eyes, waiting for her to clarify. "Pete? Why are you so scared of a new haircut?" He sighed and looked at her while she still looked at the ceiling. "She used to cut my hair herself. She liked it like this."

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**hopelessromantic28: **Thanks for the review, you made my day:)

A/N: Please R&R, and I hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it!


	3. Pete's Elephant Was Not Like Her

**3. Pete's Elephant ****Was Not Like Her**

She decided not to interrupt. It'd be better to let him say whatever he wanted to say. "I've had the same haircut for years. It's stupid, really, but still. I can't bring myself to change it. Maybe I should. Maybe it's acting as a constant reminder of her, and that can't be good. Maybe a new haircut is all I need to be able to move on." He stopped talking, and curiosity got the best of her. "What happened?"

"We were too young to get married. We should have waited. We met in college, she was rich and fabulous, the kind of girl who makes heads turn to look as she walks by. She had this thing, you know, like she was different. She was destined for greatness, you could just tell. She was fascinating." Addison didn't say a thing. She did know what he was talking about. She knew that type. She _was_ that type.

"It was love at first sight. Just like a movie, the moment we looked at each other we knew we had to be together. My best friend used to say it was the ancestral connection between the beautiful people." He chuckled at the memory, and she tried to imagine him in college. He was probably a Mark kind of guy, with all the girls drooling after him. It suit him, really, what with the cockiness and the seemingly natural charm.

"I proposed after six months, we got married on our first anniversary." Woah. "We were happy at first. We were still getting to know each other, and it was fun and exciting and scary at the same time. We were being adults, living together, doing married stuff, and it was amazing." She couldn't help but smile, remembering her own happily married moments. "The tiniest things made us happy. Doing the laundry, cooking, taking out the trash, vacuuming the living room... we felt like nothing could ever stop us. We were having a real life, with all the domestic stuff, we were married, and we were young and beautiful. We were high on life."

"And then real life came in, and it all went to hell. We fought over the little things that we used to do with a smile, we realized we didn't really like each other that much after all, she wanted more than I could give her, and I wanted more than she could give me." She really wasn't expecting that. She thought he'd been happily married. "She wanted a nice house in the suburbs, a Volvo and a bunch of kids. She wanted to be Mrs. HotShot Doctor, a husband that looked like a credit card and being envied by her friends." Oh. So maybe they weren't the same type of woman after all.

She was still debating wether the fact that his wife was completely different from her was a good or a bad thing, when he started talking again. "I wanted to travel and learn alternative medicine. I wanted a wife who was also a friend, and a partner in crime. I wanted to live and learn before I had kids. I wanted to share my life with her, all of it. I was willing to devote myself to her, but she didn't want a full-time husband. A nice paycheck will do just fine, thanks, honey." She let out a small sigh. Life was unfair, really. She thought how easy her life would have been if she'd been like his wife. Or if Derek had been like him. Or if she had married him... his voice brought her back to reality just in time to keep the third elephant outside the door.

"So we decided to take a break. I went to India and she went to Hawaii. I came back with new strenght to try to make us work, and she came back with an affair" Ouch. The way he spat that word hurt her as if she'd been the one who did it. She was starting to regret telling him about her sleeping with Mark. "She said she wasn't fulfilled. That something was missing from our marriage. I guess it was some loyalty." His voice sounded detached. As if he wasn't talking about his wife. As if he was talking about someone he truly disliked. She wondered if Derek sounded that way when he talked about her.

"So, after much fighting and screaming and asking questions she didn't know how to answer, I left." He was sad. That bitch had hurt him. She knew she was not the one to talk, but come on. Her husband was indifferent and absent, and she was kind of a filthy whore, but he had it coming. But she had Pete! Charming, sexy Pete who apparently was only trying to be the perfect husband for her. And she cheated on him. Bitch.

"She called me a few months later. I still wasn't over her, stupid as it is. Sometimes I wonder if I was in love with her or with the idea of her. If I was in love with Anna or with the gorgeous, brilliant girl who took my breath away in college. The thing is, I wasn't over her." She'd kill to have someone as invested in her as he'd been on his wife. It was extremely unfair.

Hold on, was she jealous? Of Pete's wife? No, it couldn't be... well, maybe she was. But it was not because she'd married Pete. It was because she'd had a man who loved her and showed it to her. It was not because of Pete. Of course it wasn't because of Pete. Pete was... Pete. An acquaintance. That was all.

"So I went back to her, ready to work on us, ready to give us a second chance now that we were older and hopefully wiser. Turns out, that wasn't exactly what she had in mind." She was now very confused. She didn't get it. Didn't she call him? "She didn't want a real relationship. She just wanted a night. We were fighting when she collapsed, she was having a heart attack. I didn't know she had heart problems. They told us she had a year at the most, and I couldn't bring myself to walk away. I still loved Anna, even if I wasn't in love with her. I couldn't leave my wife alone when she needed me most."

She thought about Violet's patient, the one who had a wife who drove him insane. She remembered Violet telling Naomi how Pete had told him not to stay just because she was sick. She'd thought he was an insensitive asshole. "I'm so sorry" It was too late when she realized she'd said it out loud. "What?" He wasn't expecting her to interrupt him. He'd almost forgotten she was there. Maybe this talking thing really did help, after all. "I'm sorry. About everything."

"Yeah." He didn't know what else to say. He knew he'd said the same thing before, when she told him about her cheating husband, but he didn't know how hard it was to find something to say after an I'm sorry. And now she'd pushed her way back into his mind, and she was clouding it, which was exactly why he couldn't sleep in the first place. He left his eyes wander, avoiding looking at her, and he saw her shoes by the couch.

"Your shoes." His voice was barely above a whisper, and she was slightly annoyed at him for breaking the comfortable silence they were sharing. "What?" "Your shoes. Your favorite shoes. I still don't know what happened." Oh. So the ball was back in her court, and it was her turn to talk again. "Well, there was this prom, in Seattle..." She wanted to get this over with, she wanted him to keep talking so she could focus on his problems instead of her own. But he interrupted her. "No."

"No? What do you mean, no?" if he'd been looking at her, he'd have seen her best annoyed look, perfectly displayed across her face. He was lucky he wasn't looking. He loved it when she gave him that look. "I want the full story. Don't skip anything." He really did want the full story. He felt like he was unwrapping a present, layer by layer. Getting to know Addison Montgomery. He was beginning to realize her looks weren't the best thing about her. And, let's face it, her looks were hard to beat.

"Where was I?" She was too busy thinking about the new things she knew about him to think about her own story. "Your best friend happened, and Derek left." He surprised himself with the hateful tone he used when he said his name. And he surprised her by letting her see he'd been listening. She couldn't remember the last time someone actually listened to her. "Derek left. And I stayed. With Mark."

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Thank you for the nice reviews, **hopelessromantic28** and **Chloe**! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and thanks again for your nice words :)

A/N: Please R&R, I hope you enjoy this chapter, more to come soon!


	4. Addison's Elephant Stayed In New York

**4. Addison's Elephant stayed in New York**

She stayed with Mark. Pete debated whether to interrupt her or let her go on. If she was going to say she fell in love with him, he didn't want to hear it. Not that he was jealous. Of course he wasn't jealous. He just didn't want to hear he hurt her, that's all. The blood-boiling rage he was feeling at the mere thought of Mark touching her had nothing to do with Addison. He was just being protective towards his friend, that's all. And of course the rage hadn't increased when he thought about him making love to her instead of just having sex with her. Of course it hadn't. That would be just stupid, and nonsensical, and that damn third elephant could stay outside the door forever, because he certainly was feeling nothing but friendship towards Addison Montgomery.

"Yeah, I stayed with Mark. Why? Because I felt like it." Her voice was confident, as if she was daring him to question her motives. "Because Derek was gone, and he was not. Because he made me feel good. Because the sex was great." Okay, too much information. "And, more importantly, because he was deliciously uncomplicated. I knew I wouldn't have to fight. There was nothing to fight for, really. We were best friends, we cared for each other, and we had mind-blowing sex. It was pure bliss."

They cared for each other. She didn't say love. All was good in the world. "I'm not gonna play innocent, you know. I knew he thought there was more to it. I knew he thought we were in love. The truth is, Mark Sloan wouldn't know love if it slapped him across the face. But that made it even easier, and even better. He was happy, thinking we were living the fairytale life, and I didn't have to worry about making a relationship work." She sounded... cold. Five minutes ago, he would have killed for a chance to be her rebound sex buddy. He would have killed for a chance to hear her say the sex was great and he was deliciously uncomplicated. The funny thing is, after hearing her cold tone while talking about him, he thought he'd rather not have sex with her if it meant she'd never say his name in that same tone of voice.

"To be honest, I used him as a Derek substitute. It was like eating sugar-free cheesecake. It may taste the similar, and it may fill you up, but deep down, you know it's not the real thing. I was frustrated with myself, really. I mean, come on, I had this incredibly sexy man, who proclaimed his undying love for me every time he saw me, who always made time for me, who was always there... and yet I couldn't stop thinking about my absent husband, who had been indifferent towards me for months and hadn't meant an I love you in years." The blinding rage towards her ex-husband came back. He just wanted to hear her say she was over him. It was driving him insane to think he still had a piece of her.

"So I stayed with Mark. We were together for around three months, and it was fun, really. I almost made myself believe I was in love with him. I wished I was. It would have made things so easy to just forget about Derek and start a new life with Mark. So I tried as hard as I could to push the thoughts of Derek aside. It was hard, though. Especially when I walked into the apartment I shared with Mark and saw the mail addressed to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Right. Because she'd been Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. It had a nice ring to it. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. If only that name didn't mean there had been a Mr.Shepherd.

He wondered if Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was different than Addison Montgomery. If Addison Montgomery-Shepherd would have been able to make him feel the same things Addison Montgomery did. "Mark used to joke about my name. He always said I was the woman with four last names and no first name. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. He used to say my name sounded like a law firm."

He looked at her, and smiled at the sight of a small smile playing on her lips. Her name did sound like a law firm. But he couldn't imagine her having any other name. Anything else wouldn't be enough to describe her. "Living with Mark was... fun. Easy and lighthearted. It was like watching an episode of a sit-com after a long dramatic movie. There was nothing deep in our relationship. He helped me heal, and I like to think I helped him see you can have fun with a woman even when she's wearing clothes."

Pete noticed the warmth of her voice when she was talking about Mark, her friend, as opposed to Mark, her rebound sex-buddy. He wondered what she sounded like when she was talking about him. Although, considering he was either Pete, the man who stood her up, or Pete, her friend downgraded to acquaintance, he really didn't want to know.

"So we stayed together, and had our fun. Until one night I came home from work and found him in bed with another woman." Okay, now he hated Mark. He thought he did before, but now... now it was definitely hatred. He cheated on her. On Addison. Which was only important to him because she was his friend, by the way. Not because he thought of her as anything else. She was his friend, that's all.

"I walked into the apartment and there they were, on our bed. And I turned around and left. There was nothing I could say or do. He'd cheated on me, the only thing I could do was walk away." Oh, he could think about a few things he'd have liked to do to him. "And then it hit me. As I walked towards the hotel where I planned to spend the night, it hit me. I had walked away, just like Derek did. My reaction when I saw my dirty mistress in bed with another woman was the same reaction Derek had when he saw his wife in bed with another man. I meant as much to Derek as Mark meant to me."

She took a moment before going on. Classic Addison. She could spill her soul and tell him everything about her, but she wasn't going to let her voice crack. She could let tears roll down her cheeks, but she wasn't going to let them show in her voice. When she felt like she was ready to go on, she spoke again. "I had to stop walking to catch my breath. It physically hurt me to think about it. I felt sick. I meant as much to Derek as Mark meant to me. I'd devoted 11 years of my life to a man who gave me as much of his heart as I'd given to my affair. And the next thing I remember after the blinding pain is waking up at the hospital."

He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't see her hurting. He was hurting for her. But he didn't stop her. "They told me I was pregnant. I was going to have Mark's baby. I was going to have a baby with the man I slept with just for fun, with the man who cheated on me, while I was in love with my husband, who was nowhere to be found." At that point, he couldn't even think about what she was saying. It was too much to process.

"I couldn't have that baby. It's not just that Mark would have been a terrible father. That baby would have had an awful mother as well." Really? Maybe Addison Montgomery-Shepherd had nothing to do with Addison Montgomery. Because Addison Montgomery, in his eyes, couldn't be an awful mother even if she tried. "I barely had the energy to take care of myself, how was I supposed to take care of someone else? The mere thought of living was exhausting. I knew I could bounce back. I knew I could go on with my life. But I also knew I wouldn't be able to give that baby the life it deserved."

He knew where this was heading, and he thought back to their first kiss, to her telling him she was "dried up". He thought she was just having a middle-age crisis. He thought she was a drama queen. He hated himself almost as much as he hated Mark and Derek. Almost.

"Mark wanted me to keep it, but I wasn't going to discuss that with him. I don't regret my choice. It was awfully painful, and I'll always feel terrible about it, but I know I did the right thing." She wiped her tears away, and he subconsciously moved closer to the couch. It was his way of comforting her without breaking their unwritten distance pact.

She just needed a hug. Some human contact. A friend. She didn't know he was fighting the urge to take her in his arms and promise to make it all go away. And he didn't know that was all she needed. There were many things they didn't know about each other. So they let a comfortable silence settle between them. They stared at the ceiling, hearing each other breathe. They kept the third elephant, their elephant, outside the room.

"Pete?" He wasn't expecting to see her looking at him when he turned his head. Tear-filled or not, her eyes always seemed to take his breath away. He didn't know his had the same effect on her. "Yes?" his voice was barely above a whisper, as if he was putting all his energy on looking into her eyes and there was nothing left for his voice. "What happened after you went back to her?"

Under normal circumstances, he would have told her it was none of her business. Under normal circumstances, he would have shot her a death glare and go on with his life. But then again, nothing had been normal since the minute that annoyingly confident, unnervingly arrogant and insanely fascinating woman had waltzed her way into his life. "I tried to make it work."

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Thank you **hopelessromantic28, Chloe, raes, jb916 and mélanie** for your nice words! It really makes my day to hear you're enjoying the story :) I started writing it so I could do something about my PrP withdrawal and it's seriously incredible to hear people like it :D 

A/N: Please R&R! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Disclaimer (because I forgot to put it before): I own nothing. If I did, Addie would be happy. Everything belongs to Shonda Rhimes & Co.


	5. Pete’s Elephant Was Loved

**5. Pete's Elephant Was Loved**

He'd tried to make it work. Addison looked at him, wanting to see the different expressions on his face as he spoke. He really was sexy, wasn't he? Maybe not in an obvious way, as in Mark-sexy, or in a dreamy way, as in Derek-sexy, but he was definitely sexy. Pete-sexy. His own kind of sexiness. Gladiator sexiness. Okay, stepping away from the gladiator images. She didn't need that kind of thoughts right now. Thankfully for her, Pete spoke again and pushed them aside.

"I moved back into our house, and tried to fix our marriage. I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, and I have to say she made an effort as well. We went out as often as we could, we watched movies and went on weekend get-aways. I really wanted to make it work." It was as if he was a different Pete. A new Pete. The Pete she knew stood women up, was cocky and arrogant, and wasn't famous for his sensitivity. The Pete she was looking at, though, fought for his marriage and was selfless and devoted to his wife. He was even starting to look even sexier, now that she thought about it. Or maybe it was the lack of sleep. Yeah, that was probably it, her mind was playing games with her.

"We were happy for a while, but I think I was just kidding myself. I don't think she really wanted to make it work. I guess she just didn't want to be alone, and I was already her husband, so I would work just fine. I think it was kind of an obligation." That sounded familiar to her. The spouse who thinks of you as an obligation. Yeah, she'd heard that one before. "I can't say it was all her fault, though. Honestly, I knew what she wanted and needed, but I tried to convince myself that it could work out. We only had a year, and I was determined to make it a happy one."

"And I guess it was, in a way. We had fun. It was more of a friendship than a marriage, though. We did things together, and we got to know each other. We weren't in love, but we cared deeply about each other." She didn't know why, but she felt slightly relieved when he said they weren't in love. It was probably because that meant he hadn't hurt so much. Not because she had any problem whatsoever with Pete being in love with a woman. He was just an acquaintance after all.

"There were many things we didn't do anymore, but there were others that we never stopped doing. Like her coming with me every time I cut my hair. She used to cut it herself at first, but then she decided to teach me how to ask for the exact same haircut when I had it done. You know, so I could do it after she... was gone." She didn't notice she was crying until she felt her tears rolling down her cheeks. It was heartbreaking, hearing him talk about all the things he'd shared with his wife, and knowing he'd lost her. She could tell he'd loved her.

"The nights were the only bad thing, really. She didn't want me to touch her, it was as if she found me disgusting. I think she was in love with that man, but she never admitted it. Most nights I just went to sleep and tried not to think about it, but sometimes we ended up fighting over it. I just wanted to be with her, but she didn't want me getting anywhere near her side of the bed." Okay, that was just plain unfair. How do you just say no to Pete, anyway? How do you say no to a man who makes you get goosebumps with just a look? How do you say no to a man who makes chills go down your spine with a kiss on the cheek? Maybe he didn't have that effect on all women. Or maybe she was just sexually deprived, and that's why she felt all those things. Not because of Pete, her friend-downgraded-to-acquaintance. Of course not because of Pete.

"It really was the only bad thing, I honestly can't say she was a bad wife. Okay, she was a bad wife. She was a terrible wife. But she was a great friend, and I loved her for that. I loved talking to her, and laughing with her. I loved many things about her. I don't think I've ever been in love with her, but I certainly loved my wife. She was my Anna, and I loved her for that." She looked at his face, which showed a mixture of sadness and warmth, and she wondered what his face looked like when he thought about her. But then again, he probably never thought about her, so it really was stupid to think about it.

"Things got worse with time, but it was only normal. We knew what was coming, and the tension was beginning to take its toll on our marriage. We were more irritable, and the fights happened more often every day. When the one year mark passed by, we felt as if we were living on borrowed time. It was emotionally exhausting to wait for the worst." She couldn't even begin to imagine what that must have been like. She wished she could comfort him in some way. She didn't know she could, and he didn't tell her.

"We fought everyday, and it wasn't only hard because of the fighting, but also because we couldn't help but think about the possibility of those hurtful words being the last ones we said to each other. We felt obligated to apologize as soon as the fight was over, but we never meant it. We were both tired of each other, but neither of us wanted to walk away. It was a nightmare." Pete had gone through a lot. He was certainly entitled to some assholery every now and again. She made a mental note to cut him some slack the next time he made an inappropriate comment.

"And then it happened. Just like that. I had been reading up on reanimation techniques, just in case. I knew all there was to know about her condition and how to fight it when it got worse. I guess I never contemplated the possibility of being asleep when it happened." She was crying again. She was hurting for him. She wanted to kiss his pain away, but she didn't know that's exactly what he wanted. Sometimes you can talk to someone for hours, and yet the most important things are still left unsaid.

It took her a minute to realize he was crying. If she'd asked, he would have told her he'd never cried for his wife before. Maybe she should have asked. Maybe then he would have told her she was seeing deeper into his soul than anyone had before. But then again, maybe he didn't have to tell her. Maybe she was feeling it already, and she just didn't want to acknowledge it.

She rolled onto her side, moving closer to him. Symbolically closer, anyway, considering she was on the couch and he was on the floor. But she needed that pretend closeness, because it matched the real closeness she was feeling with him. And, if she focused on the physical part of that closeness, she didn't have to think about the emotional part. Because she refused to admit she was feeling something deeper than an acquaintance. Maybe he was right when he said she was too stubborn for her own good.

He didn't have to say her name to get her attention, because she was already looking at him. Those eyes. He couldn't think straight when she was looking at him with those eyes. He felt as if he could just look into them for hours, and never get tired. Which didn't mean anything, by the way. She had gorgeous eyes, that was just stating the obvious. It didn't mean he felt anything about her.

"You still haven't told me what happened to your shoes." He was right. Her story was longer than she thought it would be. "My mentor, Richard Webber, called me for a consult in Seattle." Oh, finally, we were getting to Seattle. "He also told me Derek was working for him, and he was seeing someone."

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Thank you very much for taking the time to review, **hopelessromantic28 **and **jb916**! It really means a lot to see you guys are still reading and liking this story :)

A/N: Please R&R! Reviews not only make my day, but also help me improve :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, it's all Shonda's.


	6. Addison's Elephant Moved To Seattle

**6. Addison's Elephant Moved To Seattle  
**

"I don't really know what made me go there when I knew he was seeing someone else. I guess I just had nothing to lose." He assumed his intern was that someone else. He couldn't help but wonder what that famous intern looked like. Derek had cheated on Addison with her, so she had to have something she didn't. He looked at her, trying to think of something that wasn't right. Something to dislike. After a few moments, he had to give up. Maybe Derek was blind. Or maybe he was just stupid. Pete had a feeling that was the right answer.

"I have to admit I had fun getting ready for my big entrance. I didn't know what kind of woman he was dating, but what I did know was there were very few women I couldn't intimidate. You can call me arrogant now." She smirked playfully at him, and he granted her wish. "You're an arrogant, arrogant woman." And she was also very right when she said she could intimidate almost every woman, but he didn't have to tell her that. She let out a small chuckle and went on with her story.

"I figured if I was going to be the Wicked Witch that came from the East to destroy his relationship, I had to look the part. High heels, black clothes, red lips and an insane amount of hotness. I almost felt sorry for the poor woman, whoever she was. Almost." He didn't have the time to feel sorry for the poor woman. He was too busy picturing her and her high heels, black clothes, red lips and insane amount of hotness. And then he felt sorry for her. Because even if she only looked half as good as she did in his head, she had to be looking _good_. Which, he figured, was exactly what you don't want your boyfriend's wife to look like.

"When I walked inside the hospital, Derek was being all warm and fuzzy with his intern, and they didn't notice me. Which was lucky, really, because it gave me time to regain my strenght after the initial pain of seeing him with someone else. Maybe if I'd seen the Derek from the last few years it wouldn't have been so bad. Maybe if I'd seen him ignoring her while she tried to get his attention I wouldn't have felt so bad. But that was not what I saw. I saw my Derek, the one from the first years. He should be lovingly helping me with my coat, not her. He should be whispering sweet little nothings into my ear, not hers. He should be my Derek, not hers." Well, if he was stupid enough to get the chance to be with Addison and waste it, he didn't deserve her.

Really, the man had to be stupid. A gorgeous, intelligent, fun and caring woman wanted to be with him, and he just ignored her. Pete felt a tingle of pain as he realized he'd done basically the same thing when he stood her up. But then again, he didn't know her back then. And there were no deep feelings between them, so it wasn't the same situation. It's not as if he was having second thoughts. They were just friends.

"His face didn't show any emotion when he saw me, and I wished he'd at least shoot me a hateful look. I mean, come on, I was stepping on his happy little relationship, I was the woman who'd cheated on him with his best friend. I think I deserved at least a bit of hatred, right? But I guess that was just too much to ask from the man whose idea of marriage was having both names on the mailbox." He was enjoying her cold tone of voice. It meant she wasn't in love with Derek anymore, and for some reason he found relief in that thought.

"So I decided to take it out on the girl. Because she was a girl, you know. At least ten years younger than me. Anyway, seeing her heartbroken face when she found out I was his wife filled me with bittersweet happiness." He laughed with her, she could just picture her going all evil on the intern. Sexy, evil Addison. Very, very nice. "She had the whole anti-Addison thing going for her. She was cute, really. Pretty, yes, and skinny, but she didn't make heads turn. And she looked sweet, kinda like a lost child. But, to be fair, that might have had something to do with the shock."

"When she finally ran away from the Wicked Witch, I took a moment to look at my husband. His hair was different, but he was still the same old Derek. Except a bit more Russell Crowe-ish. I've always had a thing for Russell Crowe, you know." And she'd said he reminded her of a gladiator. Get it? Gladiator, Russell Crowe... he was beaming with pride. He was her gladiator. A sudden image of the fabulously evil Addison calling him her gladiator brought a smirk to his face. Sometimes he loved having an imagination.

"Anyway, the next morning I made sure she was assigned to my service. Because the opportunity was just to perfect to let it pass. I ended up telling her I had been the one who cheated, and I just knew she'd gone back to him. McDreamy, that's what they called him in Seattle. And he was dreamy, really. He'd always been able to make girls swoon with one of his trademark smiles." He couldn't suppress a snort. Yeah, well, how dreamy could he be when he'd hurt Addison so badly? "Are you all right?" Damn. She'd heard him. "I'm sorry, go on." But he could be dreamy, too. He could be PeteDreamy. And he could be a dreamy gladiator. Derek had nothing on him.

"You know, I knew my husband. I knew he'd give our marriage another chance. A half-assed joke of a chance, but still. He was that kind of man. Derek always did what was expected of him. And he knew he was expected to take his adulterous wife back, because we were Derek and Addison." Her voice was borderline mocking when she said their names. As if their names meaning something when put together was utterly ridiculous. But he could tell it was just an act. She obviously thought Derek and Addison meant something. He only hoped she thought they had meant something _in the past_.

"So we gave it a shot. I went back to fighting while he chose to shot longing glances at his intern and wait for it to pass. Not that I was surprised. He did surprise me when he told me he was still in love with her, though, that one I didn't see coming. The rest was just... back to New York, I guess. Except slightly worse, because now I knew who was on his mind instead of me. But still, I think the Christmas day when he told me he was in love with Grey was by far the worst." He was surprised to see she wasn't crying. He expected the tear-fest that they'd been having to go on, especially considering what she was telling him. But she looked like she'd cried enough over that already. Like she was numb. And somehow, seeing the always passionate redhead so emotionless made him hurt for her more than seeing her cry.

"And then Mark came to Seattle. Looking for me. It killed me to turn him down, especially considering how far from idillic my marriage was. So I ignored the fact that I knew he was right when he said Derek didn't love me anymore, and I went on with our sick little joke of a marriage. I was this close to leave though, especially when I thought about the moment Derek punched Mark because he saw him talking to his intern. He didn't walk away. He fought for her. That punch, right there? That was more than he ever did for our marriage."

"I'm an intelligent woman. I knew it wasn't gonna pass. I guess I just wanted to see if he'd do something for me, you know. Even if it was kicking me out, or leaving me... I just wanted something. I wasn't expecting him to cheat, though. I really, really wasn't. And then I found her panties in his pocket. It was a strange situation, really. I didn't feel betrayed, I felt... broken, I guess. Yeah, broken is definitely the word. So I did what I had to do. I went out and got gloriously drunk, and then made a transcontinental booty call and slept with Mark. Because I refused to let Derek get all the credit for the end of our marriage. I guess, in a way, accepting he was the one who ended it meant accepting he ended it for Grey. And I wasn't about to let that happen. So I slept with Mark, and pinned her panties to the hospital's bulletin board."

He couldn't help but laugh at that. Half because he found the picture of the lusty little intern finding the panties there absolutely hilarious, and half because the smile on Addison's face filled him with joy. She looked at him, amused, and attempted to shot him a stern look. "Do you think my misery's funny?" He returned her glare with one of his cocky smiles. "Were you wearing red lipstick and high heels when you pinned the panties there? Because the way I'm picturing it, you definitely were." She just had to join his laughter. He was cocky and arrogant, but he really was a charmer.

He loved seeing her laugh. He was slowly beginning to realize he loved most things about her, and the ones he didn't love, he definitely liked a lot. If only he'd known she was thinking the exact same thing. But he didn't, and they kept laughing until she brought them back to reality. "It's my turn to be shrink." She still had laughter in her eyes, and he smiled up at her. "Okay, what do you wanna know?" He'd already told her the most painful parts, so he was completely relaxed. There really was nothing she could ask that would be hard to talk about. "How did you go from the sweet and perfect Pete you were talking about to cocky arrogant Pete?" Except for that. If she hadn't been looking at him with those eyes of hers, he'd have gotten up and walked away. If she hadn't asked him with that deliciously perfect blend of seriousness, genuine curiosity, playfulness and the slightlest bit of evilness that was her trademark, he would have made an inappropriate remark. But she'd done both of those things, and she was clouding his mind again. So, against his own advice, he spoke again. "I started dating."

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Thank you so much **hopelessromantic28, raes and jb916** for your always nice reviews! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story, you guys help me get inspired to write more with your kind words :) Happy Holidays everyone!

A/N: Please read and review, it really makes my day :)

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. I will tomorrow if Santa brings me the Pete I asked him for, though :P


	7. Pete's Elephant Lost Hope

**7. Pete's Elephant Lost Hope**

"What do you mean you started dating? Isn't that supposed to be good?" She was genuinely curious. Especially considering he was the one who'd advised her to start dating a few days before. And also because it'd been so long since her last real date that she felt as if she'd never done it before. "Well, it was fun, but it changed me. People change, you know." It made sense. "I know." She did know.

"So, what was it that made you change? Bad experiences?" She wasn't going to let him be vague. She craved more information. She was getting to know him, and she was liking it more than she ever thought she would. "Not necessarily, no. Well, of course I had some bad experiences, but who hasn't, right? It was just... I guess I just didn't find what I was looking for." Yeah, she knew the feeling.

"It was fine at first. I mean, I didn't expect to find the love of my life straight away." Hold on. Love of his life? Pete thought about love? For life? Well, that was certainly surprising. Pleasantly surprising. Not that she cared, because he was just a friend. She was just surprised, that's all. But maybe... well, he definitely made her feel things her other friends didn't. But that didn't mean anything, right? Right. Of course it didn't. She rolled her eyes at her own stupidity, and blamed it on the lack of sleep.

"I spent most of my time studying and learning the things I'd always wanted to learn. I traveled the world, and when I came back, I gave the dating thing a second chance. I had too many relationships to count. They never lasted more than a couple of months. As soon as the initial thrill faded, there was nothing there to keep us together." She couldn't help but wonder what that initial thrill felt like. She imagined it was the proverbial fireworks, those she'd never experienced. She'd only been in love once, with Derek, and there'd never been an initial thrill in there.

When they started going out, it was smooth, comfortable and it felt right. But she'd never seen fireworks. She'd never been swept off her feet. Not that she was complaining, really. She'd rather have a meaningful relationship built on friendship and trust than rush into something that lasted two months and depended on passion. But still, it had to feel nice. After all, great love stories always had the fireworks, didn't they?

"I was still looking for my soulmate. The woman who would make me completely happy. The woman I'd be able to make completely happy." Really now, what was he trying to do to her? Going all perfect and sweet and sexy on her. When she knew he just wanted fun. When she knew he stood people up. He stood perfectly fine women up, and he was not sweet and perfect. He was sexy, though. And kinda sweet. But definitely not perfect. Was that so bad, though? Maybe she didn't need perfect. Maybe she just needed...

Unfortunately, Pete's voice stopped her train of thought. "But that only seemed to last for a while, and then it stopped. It was partly my fault. I didn't feel like fighting. I'd had to fight for a relationship before. Love wasn't supposed to be hard. Don't kill me, but I think, deep down, I was kind of a romantic." His playful smirk made her laugh in response. He was probably the last person she'd peg as a romantic. But she couldn't blame him, really. She knew the feeling of not wanting to fight anymore. She knew romanticism was a very tempting idea sometimes. She just didn't see him as a romantic person. But then again, she had been proven wrong about him a few times already.

"I think love is supposed to be a good thing. With some bad moments, but the balance always has to be positive. A million chick-flicks can't be wrong, right?" She chuckled at his comment, and he smiled up at her, making her shift slightly on the couch. His smile had that effect on her. It made her forget their "just friends" pact for a split second, and then she had to regain her composure. Sometimes she hated the fact that he had that power over her. Most times, though, she was too busy trying not to blush to get mad over it.

"I'm not saying I expected a fairytale romance. I don't want a fairytale romance, honestly, passive damsels in distress have never been my thing." The look in his eyes gave her pause. She didn't know if she was reading too much into them. Maybe he did look at her like that to let her know she wasn't one of those passive damsels in distress. Or maybe she wished that was what he was doing, and she'd made herself believe it was real.

Thinking logically, she was convinced she was better off without him. He stood her up, he just wanted fun, and he was cocky and arrogant. And yet, for some unthinkable reason, sometimes she wished he'd just grab her and kiss her again. Maybe Naomi was right. Maybe she did have an unhealthy obsession with blue-eyed doctors who would possibly end up hurting her. Or maybe Violet was the one who was right, and she was just sexually deprived. She chose to convince herself Violet was the one who was right. Because they were in her office after all, and it would be terribly unkind to dismiss her opinion.

"Anyway, I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, or who made it happen, but I just gave up. I don't think I'll ever find the love of my life. But I can settle for the love of the month, or the week, or the year. I'm not fighting. Not because I'm tired, because I'm not, not anymore. Because I need a reason to fight, and I don't have it. I haven't found the woman who makes me want to fight. The one who makes me feel like I'd rather die fighting than face another day without her." He was expecting her to say something. Anything, really. And when she didn't, he felt the need to lighten the mood. "You know, this is when you tell me I need to step away from the chick-flicks."

Her light laughter filled him with relief. For a moment, he thought she'd figured him out. He thought he'd let her see he had his doubts about not ever finding that woman. He thought he'd made it obvious she was the one who made him doubt it. But her laughter erased those worries from his mind. He didn't know she'd been just as relieved when he made a lighthearted comment. Because, for a moment, she thought he'd figured her out. She thought he'd noticed she was holding her breath, hoping she could be that woman. But they were too busy worrying to take the time to figure each other out.

"Cooper says I can't live my life looking for the perfect woman. That a perfect woman doesn't exist. That I'm setting myself up for failure. The truth is, he doesn't understand. I don't want a perfect woman. I want to find an imperfect woman that becomes perfect for me. I don't want the initial thrill. I want the thrill of getting to know her, and finding out every new small detail gives me another reason not to let her go. I don't want the fireworks of kissing a new woman. I want the fireworks of knowing she's the last one I'm going to kiss." She was speechless. Literally speechless.

She was seeing him under a different light. You think you know someone, and then they go and throw this bomb on you and prove you completely wrong. Pete Wilder, who was just another blue-eyed doctor. Pete Wilder, who was so arrogant he thought she'd moved because of him. Pete Wilder, who stood her up. Pete Wilder, who was just an acquaintance. Pete Wilder, player extraordinaire. She knew all those Pete Wilders. But not this one. Not Pete Wilder, who made her heart skip a beat without touching, kissing or even looking at her. Not Pete Wilder, who would be completely perfect for the right woman. She never thought she'd envy the woman who would end up with him, whoever she was.

"What about you?" What about her? She didn't know what he meant. "I won't say I know you too well, but from what I know, Addison Montgomery doesn't leave everything behind and move to Los Angeles because she's been cheated on." He was right. "I want the whole story. And don't spare me any red lips, black clothes or high heels, please." He wasn't expecting to feel a smack on his arm. "You dirty, dirty man. " He also wasn't expecting to want her to smack him again if that meant she'd also give him that half amused, half indignant look that was just completely right. She waited for him to stop laughing. "I stayed in Seattle."

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Thank you **Sammy, hopelessromantic28, raes, Chloe, Kate and jb916**! Your reviews always make my day, and they never fail to make me want to write more and better :) The way I have it planned in my head, there's only two more chapters left, but I will probably write a sequel with the aftermath of all the talking. Something fluffier than this, because I'm a firm believer on Addie's right to be happy after all she's been through :P

A/N: Please read and review! I know I always say the same thing, but really, it does make my day :)

Disclaimer: Santa apparently can't tell the difference between "I want a Pete" and "I want a Wii", so I still own nothing. They all belong to Shonda & Co.


	8. Addison's Elephant Stayed In Seattle

**8. Addison's Elephant Stayed In Seattle**

She stayed in Seattle. Of course she did. If there was one woman in the world that had what it takes to stay around and face her husband and his intern, that was Addison Montgomery. He would have been thoroughly disappointed if she'd said she'd moved to LA to run away from them. The Addison he knew didn't run away. She fought. She performed emergency c-sections with no staff or OR. She jumped into birthing pools. She blew his mind.

"It was hard at first, seeing them together. Being happy and coupley and McDreamy and his McIntern and their damn tragic lovestory with the happy ending. I'm not as bitter as I sound, but I have a reputation to uphold, you know." And then she winked at him, and he smiled warmly back at her, because he was happy to see she wasn't hurting anymore. He didn't want to see her hurt like she'd done that night ever again.

"Anyway, the moment came when I had to stop being Addison-without-Derek and start being just Addison. Except I never really did, because there was always someone there to be added to my name. Addison and Mark came first, because it was obvious, wasn't it?" It was obvious. She didn't notice he was faking a smile to match hers. She didn't know he was feeling his blood boil with something that felt like jealousy, tasted like jealousy and smelled like jealousy. But it wasn't jealousy. Or so he kept telling himself.

"Addison and Mark. Or, following the renaming tradition at Seattle Grace, McHot and McSteamy. Even our nicknames worked together. But it couldn't work, and I just knew it. It was comfortable to have someone I knew so well, though. It was fun and comfortable, and easy, and the sex was still great." This time, both of them shifted uncomfortably when those last words left her lips. Pete had done it the first time she'd mentioned it, but it was the first time for Addison. She shrugged the feeling off, reminding herself he was just Pete, her acquaintance. He didn't care if she had sex or not, and she shouldn't care if he knew, either.

"But he was not the one for me. I knew it, and I think, deep inside, he did as well. Mark Sloan is an incredibly caring, loving and thoughtful man. He just chooses not to show it." She said it with a chuckle, and he smiled as he saw the friendship in her eyes. He saw she loved Mark dearly, she was just not in love with him. "I like to think I helped him get ready for the one. The one who will take his breath away, and who will be spoiled and showered with love by him. And, more importantly, the one who will make him see he doesn't have to pretend to be an asshole to be taken seriously." He'd have argued that if he'd cheated on her, maybe that meant he was actually an asshole, but he decided not to do it.

"I'd say I missed Mark when we decided it was definitely over, but I didn't miss him, because he was always there. Just as he'd promised. He's my best friend, and I know I can always count on him. I'm sure if I'd called him tonight, he'd have gotten on a plane and he'd be here listening to my rambling right now." He couldn't even begin to explain how glad he was she hadn't called him. He was the one listening to her rambling, and he was the one being her friend. Just for tonight, because he was fairly sure they'd be back to their petty fighting in the morning, but for now, he was the one who was there for her. And he realized he wouldn't change it for the world.

"After Addison and Mark was over, Addison and Karev began. Addison and Alex, Addison and Karev. I still don't know what happened there. Sometimes I think I made myself believe he was the kind of man I wanted him to be. Sometimes I think they were right when they said he was a jerk. And sometimes I think he was in love with our patient." He was starting to think working at Seattle Grace was like working in a soap opera, with all the love triangles, rectangles and multi-cornered shapes.

"I really thought he was different. I still think he was different, you know. There was something about him. Something good. But, for some reason, he just wouldn't let it show. I saw a glimpse of it here and there, but he never let me see it all. As far as I know, noone ever saw it all. Alex Karev is a lot like Mark in many ways. He reminds me of Mark in college. Sleeping around, cheating on girls, being cocky and kind of a jerk. He had something going on with another intern, but he cheated on her. And I'm pretty sure he's close friends with Grey." Derek's intern? Really? "Just friends, don't worry" She smirked at him and he laughed at her mind-reading moment. He was enjoying the light-hearted tone of the conversation, and he realized even the air in the room seemed to be lighter than it was before. Maybe Violet was right. Maybe talking did help.

"Anyway, I'm a firm believer on the power of friendship. If a man can be friends with a woman for a relatively long period of time without trying to get in her pants, I tend to believe there's some good in him. And, as far as I know, Karev never tried to get into Grey's pants, so that makes him good in my book. He may be a womanizer, and too arrogant for his own good, and he may have terrible bedside manners, but he's not a bad person." He wondered what had happened between her and Karev. He wanted to know if he should hate his guts just like he hated Derek's.

"I'm not gonna say it didn't hurt when he told me I wasn't his girlfriend, but I think, ultimately, he's the one who helped me move on. Some may say he was the last straw, the one who made Seattle definitely unbearable. The truth is, he was the first man I flirted with since I met Mark and Derek, the first man I felt attracted to after Mark and Derek, and the one that made me see I am, indeed, McHot. And McHot hates Seattle and its rain, and when she hates a city, she moves." He loved Karev. If he'd had anything to do with Addison moving to Los Angeles, he was his new best friend.

"And that's it, really. I'd tell you about the holistic healer who took advantage of a moment of weakness to kiss me, but I think you know all about that." Her smirk was infectious, and he had to laugh at her playfulness. "Yeah, I think that happened around the same time the hotshot surgeon took advantage of my good feelings and practically forced me to kiss her." That earnt him another light smack, and they realized, even if they squinted, they could see no elephants in the room.

They were joking and laughing together, it was even better than before, and they could barely believe it. He didn't think she'd be the same around him after he told her about Anna., about the dating, and about his lost hope. She didn't think he'd be the same around her after she told him about Derek, about Mark, and about Seattle. And they now knew they were right, they were not the same around each other. But it was definitely a good change. Now she understood why he could be an asshole. And he understood why she could be unnerving. They saw each other under a different light, and they liked what they saw.

Addison was the first one to talk. "I'm starving." He smiled and looked at the clock. 5 a.m. "It's almost time for breakfast. I'll be right back." With that, he stood up and left for the kitchen, where he hoped he'd be able to find something to eat. Dell would arrive soon, and he wanted a little more time with her before they had to step into the real world. He opened the fridge and started looking for something that resembled breakfast food.

She waited for him in Violet's office, with a small smile spread across her face. She liked this new Pete. Not that she didn't like the old one. She told herself she couldn't set herself up for failure again. He'd told her what he wanted and needed, and he'd told her he hadn't find it. She knew he was not what she wanted and needed either, at least not right now. But she wished he was. It would be just perfect, wouldn't it? Yeah. It really would. This new Pete was definitely the kind of man who could make her lose her mind if he wanted.

Pete came back from the kitchen with a mug of coffee on each hand. "I thought we could use some coffee..." He couldn't help but smile when he noticed she'd fallen asleep. He gave himself a moment to look at her before letting her sleep in peace. She was _gorgeous_. He'd always thought of her as an incredibly beautiful woman, but right now she looked even better, and he couldn't say exactly what had changed. And then he knew. He didn't just like Addison Montgomery. He liked Addison Montgomery, and Addison Forbes Montgomery, and even Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. Because all of them made her, her. And the truth is, at that very moment, he was sure he'd find that woman he was talking about.

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Thank you **Sammy, hopelessromantic28, jb916, TwoShoes, raes, Chloe and Kate** for your nice reviews! It's always great to hear what you thought of each chapter :) Oh, and TwoShoes, thanks for pointing out Pete's brown eyes, I should have known that headpalm

A/N: Please read, review and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Nope, I still own absolutely nothing.


	9. Their Elephant Wasn't Perfect

**9. Their elephant wasn't perfect**

It was just another normal morning in Los Angeles. Sunny and warm, and with that special light that made things shinier than they were anywhere else in the world. That may be the reason why Violet saw the flash of red coming from her office as soon as she glanced towards the cristal wall. A flash of red that, she noted as she walked towards the door, appeared to come from the hair on someone's head. She knew that hair, she knew that head and she knew that someone, but she didn't know why that someone was laying on her couch, apparently sleeping.

She opened the door to her office and looked at her, suppressing a laugh. Her mouth hung slightly open, her hair was all over the cushion she was using as a pillow, and her limbs were spread out in a very un-ladylike fashion. To think this was the woman who rocked the Jimmy Choos and was the epitome of class and glamour. There really was a reason why we slept in the privacy of our own bedrooms.

Violet walked into her office and closed the door, letting it make enough noise to bring the redhead back to the land of the waking. Addison rolled to her side, seemingly reaching for the alarm clock she assumed had woke her up, and landed on the floor with a groan. Violet looked at the very confused woman with a smile across her face, and greeted her with her best shiny voice "Hello, Sunshine!". Addison rubbed her eyes and squinted as she looked at her, trying to figure out what was going on. "Violet? What...?" She placed some files on her desk and turned to look at her. "I was hoping you could tell me that. Why were you sleeping on my couch?"

Addison took a minute to gather her thoughts and try to remember. She'd never been a morning person, and it wasn't easy for her to start thinking straight when she woke up. "I came here at night to think... I guess I fell asleep." Because the part about talking to Pete was a dream. Right? Yeah, it had been just a very vivid dream. Another fantasy, she guessed, where instead of complimenting her smartness, noticing the lack of cellulite on her thighs or being a gladiator, he'd shared his thoughts and dreams with her and became the perfect man. It had been a nice dream, and she smiled at the thought.

Violet's look told her she thought she was off her rocker, but then again, she seemed to get that kind of look quite often lately. "Okay then... can I have my office back, please?" She looked amused and annoyed at the same time, which also happened quite often lately. She guessed it had something to do with Cooper and That Night. She grabbed her shoes and smiled at her before walking out of the room, still thinking about her dream. It had been a _very_ nice dream.

She walked into her office and changed into her scrubs, making a mental note to keep some extra clothes in there, just in case she ever had to face a similar situation again. It was time for the morning meeting already, and she walked across the hall while still fixing her hair, wanting to look as presentable as possible considering the circumstances. She noticed the absence of certain holistic healer at the meeting, and she was slightly relieved by that. She couldn't keep the dream out of her mind, and she didn't want the real Pete ruining the image in her head. Because the real Pete stood women up instead of sharing his thoughts and dreams with them, and she didn't like the real Pete nearly as much as the dream Pete.

Dream Pete. That was dangerously close to Dreamy Pete, wasn't it? McDreamy Pete? No. Not McDreamy. She wondered what Pete's nickname would be if he worked at Seattle Grace. McHolistic? McQuack? Okay, she wasn't nearly as good at this nickname thing as the Seattle interns. And then, she noticed. Everything was the same. Her day hadn't suddenly darkened, she didn't feel a weight on her heart, and she felt exactly the same as she did a second before. Calm. Sleep deprived and with her usual crappy morning mood, but still calm. Maybe Los Angeles had worked its magic. Maybe talking did help, even in her dreams. Whatever it was, it had killed Seattle's bad juju. She was over it.

She was over it? Really? Well, how about that. She was over it. She was sure hell had frozen over at that very second. Because the unthinkable had happened. McSatan, the She-Shepherd, the ex-Mrs.Shepherd, the adulterous bitch, Karev's not-girlfriend, they were all gone. She was just Addison. And it felt so good she couldn't help but wish she was home just so she could dance around naked for a while. Since a round of naked dancing was out of the question, she did the next thing that popped into her head. She opened the door to Naomi's office, stuck her head inside, and shoot her a huge bright smile before talking on her shiniest, brightest, happiest voice. "I'm over it!" And, with that, she closed the door and walked towards her office, the beaming smile still plastered across her face.

Sam's face was a picture of confusion as he looked at his ex-wife, hoping for an explanation. Naomi simply smiled and answered his silent question with a hint of cockiness in her voice. "And that, my friend, is another reason why I asked her to come." Sam laughed at her answer, and he couldn't help but agree with her. Hiring their friend had been a very good move, he had to give her that. "Where's Pete, anyway?" He shrugged slightly before answering. "Something about gladiators who fight, fighting like a gladiator, or being a fighting gladiator." She looked at him, half confused and half amused. "Your friend is weird." "Look who's talking." He nodded in Addison's office's direction, and she had to join in his laughter.

At that very moment, the aforementioned weird friend of Sam's walked into Cooper's office, a smirk on his face. "You weren't at the meeting." Cooper greeted him, not looking up from his charts. "_Very_ good morning to you too, Cooper." Okay, that was just weird. Since when did they use greetings? And what was with the half-smirk half-grin, anyway? "Are you all right?" He was slightly worried about Pete. He looked... almost cheerful. "I'm perfectly fine. I'd even go as far as to say I'm good." Good? Now he really was worried. "What's going on? Why weren't you at the meeting?" "I had things to do. Addison here?" He tried to sound nonchalant, but failed miserably. "Why?" But Pete didn't answer his question because, thanks to that strange Los Angeles light, he'd just seen a flash of red across the hall. He didn't lose a second before walking out of the office, leaving Cooper even more confused than he was before.

He walked into the kitchen, where Addison was drinking that mysterious green liquid she seemed to like so much. With his best cocky grin, he looked at her and spoke. "That couch can't be too comfortable. If you need a healing touch, you know where to find me." She nearly choked on her juice. "What?" Violet had told him, right? There was no way the dream hadn't been a dream. Right? "I'm just saying, as your friend, I'm concerned about the state of your back after sleeping on that couch." The cocky grin was still on his face. "How do you...?" But she couldn't finish her question, because, apparently, babies don't care if you're having an important conversation. They just come when they feel like it. The little buggers. And so, she left for the birthing suite, leaving a very amused Pete behind.

Pete wasn't happy when he saw Officer Kevin at the clinic. But he wouldn't let that little detail get in the way of his good day. After all, gladiators did fight, didn't they? If he was going to be her gladiator, he could fight that pretty little cop. It made everything more interesting. He waited patiently for him to leave Addison's office, feeling a tingle of jealousy when he saw his smile, that he guessed meant he had gotten a date. But that was fine. He could have his dates, he'd stick to the overnight talks, thank you very much.

Addison smiled brightly as she got ready to go home. Not only was she over Seattle, she also had a date. With a very handsome, very charming, very sexy cop. And she was sure the image of dream Pete would be pushed away from her mind as soon as the date started. Because it was a dream, after all, and Officer Kevin was very, very real. She didn't notice Pete when he walked into the room, and was slightly startled by his voice. "Addison?"

"Oh, hey, Pete." She was slightly uncomfortable around real Pete after spending the whole day thinking about dream Pete. "How was your day?" They were making small talk now? This friends thing was interesting. "It was good, actually. How was yours?" He shifted his weight from one foot to the other before answering. He was getting slightly nervous. Gladiators don't get nervous. He had to be a gladiator. Her gladiator. "Great. It was great. So, I just wanted... here." He handed her an envelope, and he looked curiously at him before looking inside. She pulled out a postcard, with a picture of fireworks on the front. "Oh." It was all she could say. "I just thought you deserved some fireworks." So it wasn't a dream. Dream Pete was just Pete, which made sense since she was now just Addison, herself. "Oh."

That last little word had been happily spoken. And he was suddenly filled with pride. It had worked. The nervousness was now gone, and his voice was steadier, softer and warmer when he spoke again, with a hint of playfulness in his eyes. "Keep being this perfectly imperfect, and you'll force me to give you the real ones." And, with one last warm smile, he left her office, smiling broadly and noticing his hope was definitely back.

It was just another normal night in Los Angeles. Slightly cooler than the day, but still warm, as always. And that night, if there was one person in the city that thought the stillness, the warmth and the peacefulness matched her mood, it was the woman who walked through the dark corridors of the clinic, headed to the elevator and looking happily at a picture, with a big smile playing on her lips.

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As always, thank you **Chloe, Effi, AddieLovesMen, Kate, jb916, rae and hopelessromantic28** for your nice words! You guys (and everyone else who reviewed in other chapters) have kept me going, and this fic is definitely for you :) I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and that the end didn't disappoint you. I was ridiculously nervous about the ending not being good enough, but I don't think it was too bad either, so let's see what you guys think!

A/N: Please read and review, constructive criticism is love :)

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Except for a big girlcrush on Addie and a plain old crush on Pete.


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